Thanksgiving is upon us in one day, and although there's lots to be thankful for (I'll probably address this in a subsequent post tomorrow or later this weekend), there are definitely things that I am not thankful for. And let's face it - even if you put on a smiling face on the actual day of Thanksgiving, there's always going to be drama: "Ooooh, did you hear what cousin Stacy did?"; "I can't believe that that girl is pregnant again,"; "But we have turkey every year, why can't we have ham this year?" And the list goes on and on. So in honor of what everyone is thinking but maybe is a little hesitant at posting, here is my list (incomplete, of course) of things, people, situations, etc. that I am not thankful for. Suck it, pilgrims. You ended up killing the Indians anyway.
1. PEOPLE WHO TYPE IN ALL CAPS. NO, I DON'T SEE YOUR MESSAGE ANY MORE CLEARLY, BUT IT DOES ANNOY THE SHIT OUT OF ME.
2. People who are constantly late, or who feel no sense of urgency.
3. People who feel entitled to things that quite frankly, they don't deserve.
4. People who incorrectly call pterodactyls "dinosaurs." Technically, they're not dinosaurs.
5. The reject bankers who get stuck with peddling inferior products on the sidewalk outside of the banks. No, I would not like to open an account and get a free mug or satchel, but maybe some of the people in #3 will take you up on your innane offer.
6. Hipsters and their ilk.
7. People who take the last donut without throwing away the box.
8. People who piss on the toilet seat at work without cleaning it off.
9. People who bring electronic gadgets into the stalls with them. (I don't want to hear a cacophony of bowel movements interspersed with tapping on your Blackberry.)
10. People who drive terribly.
11. Hearing about how awesome your kid is, or how cute your kid is, or how smart your kid is, or how [insert positive adjective here] your kid is in an incessant fashion. My dog doesn't piss on the floor anymore or hump the furniture anymore. Do I tell you about that?
12. Seeing and pulling ticks off of my dog. That was a scare.
13. 60 degree days in November. Those suck.
14. The end of the motorcycle riding season.
15. Poorly told stories.
16. Lemon garnish on sashimi. It's not ceviche.
17. The last gulp of coffee.
18. The commercials at movies. Some previews are ok. Commercials are not.
19. The sequel to "30 Days of Night." God that movie sucked.
20. The bites I sustain on a daily basis when my guinea pigs dart toward their fresh foods and veggies.
21. Durian. Whoever thought to pull a spiny fruit out of elephant crap and then eat it obviously needs to be re-educated.
22. Sweet potatoes/yams. My family likes them, I do not. In fry form, they are acceptable.
23. Cranberry sauce from a can.
24. Overcooked steak, overcooked fish, overcooked lamb, overcooked duck. You get the point.
25. Poorly made tapioca pearls in my pearl tea.
26. Mega Chinese buffets that do a lot of everything, but nothing well.
27. "Concept" restaurants where the only concept is suckiness.
28. Sushi served at non sushi joints. Sushi/Thai, Sushi/Chinese, Sushi/Mexican Food = Fail.
29. Iceberg Lettuce.
30. Sweet'N Low.
31. Glenn Beck.
32. Sarah Palin.
33. Fox News.
34. Tea Baggers and associated ilk who don't pay for their own insurance, still have their water bills subsidized by their municipalities, still have the ability to dial 9-1-1 and not have to insert a credit card as payment, who have parents, grandparents, and siblings on any type of subsidized government healthcare, etc.
35. The people who show up at any type of rally holding "GodHatesFagg*ts.com" signs.
36. YoYo Ma and Lang Lang. Two Asian classical "musicians" who have stupid names, and stupider playing styles.
37. Jeffrey Siegel. I hate him more than if Yoyo and Lang Lang had a kid, and named him Yo Lang Yo Lang. No talent ass clown who holds "keyboard conversations." Please.
38. Anyone associated with BJ's Brewery's brewing process and QA.
39. Stuck up luthiers.
40. Nickelback.
41. Maurice Clarett.
42. Contemporary Christian "worship" music on my Pandora stations.
43. Non Amazon Prime shipping options on items I want.
44. Unkempt people at work.
45. Haitians who won't simmer down.
46. The New York Yankees.
47. Auburn University football fans.
48. Buffalo Wild Wings' hottest sauce.
49. My lack of ownership of a capybara and subsequent ability to ride on him like a small horse.
50. The extinction of pterodactyls.
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